we as a society need to start talking about abusive friendships, bc those exist and seem to be really common
and most people in them dont know how do deal w the abuse bc its normally emotional abuse which.gets delegitimized, and its a platonic relationship and not a romo or sexual one, so it gets delegitimized for that too
Imagine your O.T.P wearing each other’s clothes, regardless of gender. Person A thinks that Person B looks rather attractive in their clothes and gets turned on. Then things get steamy. Bonus: Person C walks in on them and doesn’t know what to make of the situation.
I have a serious fucking problem with a current trend relating to acceptance of queer and nonbinary folk.
The fact that there are so many posts where it’s like “Son, you aren’t allowed to have that dress. … It would look hideous on you, this is more your color.” The fucking SCARE factor to emphasize the relief of acceptance is horrible and I loathe it so much. If you’re going to accept someone, ACCEPT THEM, make them feel welcomed, validated, okay, normal. Don’t trick them into believing they’re about to me put down like they always are. It’s manipulation and it’s gross, even if it’s with good intent.
If one of my parents pretended to be upset that I was bisexual and then went “lmao jk we love you” I wouldn’t punch them because I’m a pansy but I would walk out and ignore them for like a week or five and be seriously pissed. I don’t want to be the butt of your joke. I don’t want to be the source of your amusement over your fucking manipulating emotional jumpscare.
It’s not funny.
It’s not sweet or cute or inspiring to trick someone to manipulate them into feeling a certain way, especially not for the satisfaction of them being relieved you were lying.
“I think, as a male, no matter what you really don’t understand (any more than a white guy could understand being black, or a straight guy could understand what it’s like to be LGBT). But I do my best to empathize with subjects of prejudice. Still, I live in such a happy/safe bubble that once in a while a female friend will blow my mind with something they’ve faced. Short answer; Yes. I suppose I am. I just wish I were a better one.”—
Patrick Stump, when asked if he considered himself a feminist (via falloutfever)
on monday a guy walked into the psychology class i’m in and sat next to me. about 30 minutes into class, he leans over and whispers, ‘this isn’t algebra.’ and calmly stands up and walks out of the room. luv college
"cut out all negative people in your life, do it now"
you know that’s not an option for everyone, that people are more complicated and come attached with strings
Or my favorite, “yell at your friends whenever they say something sexist/ableist/etc.!” Uhhh not everyone has the, dare I say it, privilege to be able to annihilate their entire support structure and start fresh.
Can we please stop tagging ships into main movie and character tags? All ships please? A lot of people have been begging the Jelsa fandom to stop, including myself, and to be honest, it’s really a general shipping issue. Sure Jelsa is more popular, therefore it spams the tags more, but so does all the other ships involving any character. In the Rise of the Guardians tag, and the rotg tag, I see Jackunzel, Hijack, Jerida, and others, when it shouldn’t be tagged in the Rise of the Guardians tag at all. It’s so hard to see real posts about the movies and characters when it’s spammed with all the ships that exist out there.
I understand one of the characters is from the movie, but the other isn’t. Believe it or not, there are people who go into that tag JUST to see posts about one of their favorite movies, and don’t want to see ships in it. I know I want to go to the Jack Frost tag to see more Jack, but can’t because it’s full of Jelsa, and other ships. I don’t get to see Jack by himself, with his sister, and fellow guardians. 90% of the posts, probably more, are all ABOUT SHIPPING. Just because Jack is in the picture doesn’t mean you need to tag him. People just want to see Jack!! And it’s completely disrespectful and inconsiderate to others when people do that. Ships are meant to go in their shipping tags, not character name tags — it’s one of the main reasons why we come up with shipping names! Is the ship “jackunzel” Jack Frost? No. Does it have Jack in it? Yes, but tagging it would be like trying to force your ship onto someone else.
What’s even worse is when people tag their ships with their movies, and even the studio! Once again, people go to the movie tags to see posts about their favorite movies, not love interests. Tagging a Disney character with a Dreamworks character in the Dreamworks tag is really disrespectful in general, mostly because of the history (a guy used to work for Disney, but hated it, so he left and started his own Studio. This studio was thus named Dreamworks).
Most wars and arguments concerning movies and ships originate from tagging a post in the wrong tag, and sometimes I feel like I can’t blame them. Sure they shouldn’t be the bad guy and try to start something. But we should also respect others and their opinions, and not force a ship on someone else.
Can we please be respectful and only tag ships in their correct tag?
I’ve had two other rants about this, directed to the Jelsa fandom which can be found HERE and HERE. They’re very beneficial in understanding why this is such a big issue, and below are screenshots of some people’s responses to both rants. I’ve left the usernames out so their identities can remain anonymous.
These are just some tags people wrote after reblogging. This one was followed up by a few more, and even some messages by indivuals who said they wished people were more consierate and respectful.
This comment goes to show just how fans can ruin movies and even make them feel like crap for not liking the same ship.
We wouldn’t have this problem, not as much, if people just tagged their posts correctly. There would be less wars and less heated arguments.
Then there’s the fact that people leave fandoms because of the incorrect tagging, which means less attention to the movies we love, to the movies that need our attention like Rise of the Guardians.
People are willing to rejoin fandoms if people were actually being respectful enough too
People are already starting to admit their mistakes, and have even told their stories after reblogging:
I’ll admit that when I first started posting things to tumblr I tagged my hijack fanfictions under both the “jack frost” and “hiccup haddock” tags, as well as “how to train your dragon” and “rise of the guardians”—but this was before I really understood how the tagging system works. As soon as I figured it out, I stopped doing that and began properly tagging things as just “hijack”, “hijack fanfiction” and occasionally “frostcup” so that I didn’t clog up the character tags inappropriately.
Not everyone agrees on ships, and you should respect that. By tagging ships under the character tags you are forcing your ships on other people and that’s EXTREMELY disrespectful to the other people on the site as well as the characters themselves.
Please please PLEASE tag things appropriately! :<
I’ll admit that when I first started posting my Hijack fanfictions here on Tumblr, I tagged them in the HTTYD and ROTG tags in hopes of getting more people to read them. But I learned people outside of the Hijack tags might not want to read it because they don’t like the ship themselves. So I stopped doing that after awhile out of respect for other people… Can we all just respect one another, please? I’m REALLY tired of seeing ship wars and movie battles on my dash and in the tags when I just want more gifs of Jack on my blog.
This post applies to ALL movies and ALL fandoms, and ALL SHIPS.
I’m sorry for such a long post, and I’m sorry if this makes people mad or feel indifferent. But so many people have remained silent for so long, afraid of telling others their opinion because they feared they’d be hated for it. They feared hurting other people’s feelings, and told they were in the wrong. So many people have left fandoms because of shipping posts, of shipping wars that aren’t needed, that aren’t necessary — that are completely avoidable. We’re tired of being silent.
Please be respectful, because they will be just as respectful back.
(I’m sorry this isn’t under a readmore, but maybe it’s length will get people’s attention)
I will admit it. I have read all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey series.
I am not admitting this because I am ashamed of my sexual desires or even because I feel the need to rant and rave about the poor writing quality of these books. (And it is extremely poor. I set my Kindle to count how many times the word “gasp” is used in the third book and the total was more than 70). I am admitting this because I feel the need to share my opinions about what I consider to be the incredibly — and dangerously — abusive relationship portrayed in the books.
When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey and learned they began as Twilight fanfiction, I swore I would not read them. I have read all of the Twilight books and I did not enjoy them. I found the relationships between Edward and Bella and Bella and Jacob to be patronizing and emotionally abusive, and I also thought the writing was pedestrian at best and boring to read. Why would I devote the limited amount of time I have for reading for pleasure to a series like this?
But as the dialogue about Fifty Shades of Grey increased, both in the media and amongst my friends, my curiosity was piqued. I attended a talk titled “Fifty Shades of Grey - Bad for Women, Bad for Sex” and decided that I should see what all the fuss was about.
To quote the book, I gasped. I rolled my eyes. I even bit my lip a few times. But not for the reasons Anastasia, the protagonist, did. I did out of exasperation, boredom and disgust, but also out of fear. After reading this book series, I am deeply afraid that this type of relationship will be viewed as the romantic ideal for women. And I consider that to be extremely dangerous — much more so than anything that takes place between Christian and Anastasia in the Red Room of Pain.
Could the character of Anastasia Steele be any more of a stereotype? She is an introvert, has low self-esteem, has abandonment issues from her father, apparently has only one close friend who bullies her and even though she works in a hardware store, she doesn’t seem to possess any self-sufficiency aside from cooking for her roommate and herself. She seems to have no sexual identity until Christian Grey enters her life and requests that she become his Submissive in a sexual relationship.
In order to be Christian’s submissive, Anastasia is expected to sign a lengthy and detailed contract that, amongst other requirements, requires that she exercise four days a week with a trainer that Christian provides (and who will report to Christian on her progress), eat only from a list of foods Christian supplies her with, get eight hours of sleep a night and begin taking a form of birth control so Christian will not have to wear condoms. Anastasia negotiates a few terms of the contract with Christian (she only wants to work out three days a week, not four), but all of her negotiations are only within his framework — none of the terms are hers independently. Nothing in their relationship is hers as an independent.
The character of Christian Grey is a rich, superpowered businessman who was abused as a child. He is in therapy, and Anastasia frequently references his therapist, but based on how he treats Anastasia, he doesn’t seem to be making much progress. As Anastasia’s relationship with Christian progresses, his controlling tendencies affect her life more and more. When her friend takes portraits of her for his photography exhibit, Christian buys all of them, because he does not want anyone else looking at Anastasia. (They weren’t even in a relationship when he did this.) When she is hired as an assistant at a publishing company, he buys the company — to make sure she’s “safe” working there. When she goes out to a bar with her one friend, against his wishes, he flies from New York to Washington State that same night, just to express his anger — and exercise his control over her. When she does not immediately change her name at her office (in hopes of maintaining some professional autonomy, given that he bought the company she works at), he shows up, unannounced, at her office, in the middle of her workday, to pick a fight with her. When she asks why it is so important to him that she change her name, he says he wants everyone to know she is his.
Christian’s possession of Anastasia is the cause of much of my disgust and fear of the book’s influence on people and how they view romantic relationships. After they exchange their wedding vows, the first words he says to her are, “Finally, you’re mine.” The control he exercises over her does not reflect his love for her; it reflects his objectifying of her. Christian never views Anastasia as a person, let alone an independent woman. He wants her to obey him, and even though she refuses to include that in her wedding vows, it is exactly what she does. When her mother questions her choice to keep her wedding dress on rather than change before traveling for her honeymoon, she says, “Christian likes this dress, and I want to please him.” Her desire to try some of the “kinky fuckery” in his Red Room of Pain comes from wanting to demonstrate her love for him, not her own sexual desires.
Wanting to please Christian apparently includes subjecting herself to verbal and emotional abuse from him ‘til death do them part, because any time she tries to stand up to him — which isn’t often — he berates her, guilt trips her and beats her down verbally until she apologizes and submits to him. After she uses the “safe word” in the Red Room of Pain so he will stop, he bemoans his sad state of mind later, mentioning that his “wife fucking safe worded him.” He is not concerned with her well-being or why she felt the need to use the safe word. He only cares about how it affects him.
The question that I kept asking myself as I read the books was why Anastasia stayed with Christian, and the answer I found was that she has absolutely no sense of self worth. She only feels sexy when he says she is, and when he insults or patronizes her, she accepts what he says as the truth. One of the passages that disgusted me the most was when Anastasia was at a club with Christian, dancing and thinking to herself that she never felt sexy before she met him and that he had given her confidence in her body. Yes, being with a partner who frequently compliments you can increase your confidence, but Anastasia went from zero to one hundred thanks to Christian. None of that came from within herself. Because of his influence on her, nothing in her life came from herself — her job, her home, her way of life, or even her self-esteem.
The co-dependency between Anastasia and Christian is alarming to read and even more to contemplate. When she breaks up with him at the end of the first book, the second book finds her starving herself and wasting away to nothing until he contacts her again. When she thinks his helicopter has crashed in the second book, she thinks to herself that she can’t live without him. Their marriage only comes about because he is scared she will leave him, and when she asks what she can do to prove to him she isn’t going anywhere, he says she can marry him. Yes, origins of insecurity and desperation are a great start to a healthy marriage.
When Anastasia finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and shares the news with Christian, he rages at her, asking if she did it on purpose and storming out of the house, disappearing for hours. Even though Anastasia thinks to herself that the pregnancy happened too soon in their marriage, she never considers terminating it.
The themes of the novel — that love alone can make someone change, that abuse from a spouse is acceptable as long as he’s great in bed, that pregnancies should always be carried to term even if the parents are not ready to be parents, and the ridiculously antiquated, Victorian idea that the love of a pure virgin can save a wayward man from himself — are irrational, unbelievable and dangerous.
Our culture has seen a radical shift of ideals moving towards traditional gender roles and Fifty Shades of Grey is a shining example of that. Early marriage to one’s first sexual partner, having a baby even when saying neither of the partners is ready to be a parent, and submission to one’s husband as the head of the household are all aspects of life that feminists and progressive thinkers have worked to move beyond. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is not romantic. It is abusive. The ways he tries to “keep her safe” are not masculine or sexy. They are stalking. Fearing one’s husband’s reaction to an unexpected pregnancy is not normal, because “boys will be boys.” It is sad and dangerous and should not happen in a healthy relationship.
Fifty Shades of Grey was one of the best-selling books of the year. Sex toy classes have been inspired by it, as have new types of cocktails. The film adaptation is already in the works. I sincerely hope that honest discussion will be had about the book and that the Christian Grey ideal of romance is not one that will be perpetuated throughout our culture. The best way that can happen is through open, honest dialogue that leads to healthy relationships of two equal partners. That, in my opinion, is sexier than anything that can happen in the Red Room of Pain.